Ban Selfies! Hire A Photographer!
It’s time to make photography great again as in the past decade it’s declined to such low quality that even swamp people adore it, though non-establishment people don’t. Blame it on deplorable selfies and their smartphone accessories that impact immigration, economy, healthcare, and jobs in America, plus they contribute to fake news!
First, many seflies are shot with sticks and there are no tourist attraction borders. Selfie sticks are popular at tourist spots. When you travel the world you’ll have an immigrant trying to sell you one. On my last trip to Rome and Venice, I didn’t see one Italian trying to sell me a selfie stick, but there were many other nationalities I didn’t recognize, all trying to sell me selfie sticks—this contributes to the immigration problems many countries face today. It all started with knock-off purses and watches and now it’s selfie sticks.
The Italian problem has spilled into the U.S. and now many illegal immigrants are entering the U.S. to sell selfie sticks. It’s so bad that according to probably the most photographed billionaire, “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
This means we need to build walls around our tourist attractions and we need to make selfie stick sales people pay for it and force tourists to hire professional photographers to take their photos with the attraction in the background. We can make photography great again with big walls.
If they refuse to pay for the walls, then we should make selfie stick people raise tourists above the wall to see the attractions so they can take their selfies, but with American sticks! We should make tourists pay for the wall we will build around the Alamo in San Antonio. Texans died there to gain their independence from Mexico and today we allow Mexican tourists to take selifies, many with Chinese sticks, in front of the Alamo for free—they should pay! Let’s make photography great again!
Selfie sticks impact our local and national economy too. Chinese and Mexico make them in volume with low labor costs. This contributes to our trade deficit and drags down our gross domestic production, or GDP. Insist on American made selfie sticks even if they costs five times what a non-American made selfie stick would cost. We can make photography great again with American made selfie sticks.
Selfie sticks not only contribute to the loss of factory jobs, but they also allow wannabe photographers to have better angles when taking selfie photos. While selfies and selfie sticks have increased photography awareness, it has caused professional photographers to get laid off their jobs at major newspapers and magazines, plus other professional photographers are fast becoming unemployed because everyone can now take their own photos with a smartphone.
We need to support a “selfie-tax” for all non-professional photographers to aid professional photographers in need. In addition to the selfie-tax, we should also require all smartphone owners to pay a selfie-stick-tax to bring selfie stick production jobs to America. We can make photography great again with selfie and selfie stick taxes!
Selifies, aided and abetted by selfie sticks, contribute to mental health problems, which impacts healthcare costs. This trend makes healthcare unaffordable and the cost of healthcare insurance is so bad that 17 of our 50 states have one healthcare insurance provider under the current program. We can make photography great again with great healthcare insurance, especially for those with pre-existing conditions caused by selfies.
Selfies contribute to fake news. Every time someone changes a Facebook profile photo with a new selfie, it’s fake news. With natural lens distortion from smartphones, people have bigger noses. Then people put dog noses or fake ears on their selfies via Snapchat. Then they upload these in their “stories” or other social media and try to pass these photos off as who they are, but instead it’s fake news. People don’t normally have duck faces either. You can’t believe everything you see on the Internet, especially selfies. We can make photography great again by stopping fake news photos.
If we ban selfies, especially with selfie sticks, this will force people to hire professional photographers when people need portraits. This also makes America safe again as it will stop terrorizing photo bombs. It will bring back affordable healthcare, lower the unemployment rate, and reduce immigrant tourists and illegal selfie stick sales people. The selfie and selfie stick ban will help professional photographers make photography great again.
With that I close and remind you, this is all tongue and cheek, a satire, please don’t take this serious or post political comments, and as always I ask you to not forget the men and women in uniform that patriotically serve to protect us, and our freedoms. God Bless them, their families and friends, Rolando