At The Dinner Table, For Men and Women

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When it comes to dialogue between a couple, married or not, relationship partners need to ask the right questions, especially if they want to crank up the romance during dinner. It’s about keeping the conversation interesting, entertaining, and to provide affirmation to our relationship partner plus to show them we are truly interested in them. These types of questions should add sparks to the romance, but before we can crank it up, we must understand there are two types of questions, open- and close-ended, when it comes to proactive communication in a romantic relationship.

Let’s start with the easier of the two, close-ended questions. Basically a closed-ended question demands a factual response, often a simple yes, or no, or from a list of possible answers, as on a multiple-choice test. For example, if you ask your relationship partner, “Are you a hungry?” usually the answer is a “yes” or “no.” If you ask your relationship partner, “Do you love me?” hopefully the answer is a passionate “yes.” “Where are the car keys?” “On the dresser.” Do you see where I’m going with this? Gotcha! That’s my closed-ended question to you!

Closed-ended questions normally do not encourage conversation with your relationship partner, they are just necessary “thought starters.” Indeed, they are sometimes answered with nothing more than a nod, a grunt or a pointing finger, so how do we change this to encourage conversation and increase the romance with our relationship partner? Instead of using a close-end question like, “Are you hungry?” use a question like, “Where would you like to do dinner tonight and what are you hungry for?” Now that’s more of an open-ended question because it requires an explanation. Open-ended questions require thought — key word: thought! Like a mediator, use open-ended questions to “listen” to the thoughts (the verbal answers) and use closed-ended questions to get the thought process going with your relationship partner.

OK, so you’ve made it to your romantic dinner with your relationship partner, but things are just too quite at the table. Conversation is lacking, and you’re hoping for a better night than just a quite dinner. You don’t know if your relationship partner is angry, tired, bored, or in a romantic mood, so here’s how you find out:

“Honey, did you have a long day today at work?” (close-ended) “Why yes babe,” your relationship partner answers. Now you have to decide do you want to expand on this or move on? If you want to expand and think your relationship partner is the type that needs to get things off their chest in order to relax further down the evening, then ask the open-ended question, “So what happened?” However, if the last thing you want your relationship partner to do is relive their bad day, then state, “Well I hope tomorrow brings a better day,” and then turn your focus into how to help them relax and forget about the day.

“Well I hope tomorrow brings a better day and the last thing I want you to do is relive your long day; so I was thinking, let’s have a great meal, a glass of wine or two, then what would you like to do afterwards? Perhaps a movie, perhaps the hot tub later?” Now more than likely, and only you know your relationship partner best, their thoughts should shift to a more happier, romantic mood. If they don’t, bring up a moment from the past that you both cherish and sometimes reminisce about. “Remember that time we were walking down the beach, the sun was setting, how romantic that was?” The key here is to recall the pleasant past to ignite the flames for the immediate future. Find the stress of the day, target it then diminish it through proactive communication.

Proactive communication doesn’t require “sexy questions,” for sparks to rise in a romantic setting; it’s the intimacy that comes from the act of conversation between relationship partners that adds the sexy to the romance, but sexy questions are OK too. Now we’ve brought the stress level down, we’re on the upslope of a romantic evening and we want to keep it going, so here are 20 questions that can help, but don’t forget to keep it interpersonal with the addition of eye-contact, a little smirk, a smile, or just reach out and touch their hand when you ask your questions.

  1. “Sweetie, you know we’ve been together (insert your time frame here) years and I think we need to come up with a unique date night, not like what we’ve done in the past, just different. Perhaps we can pretend it’s our first date, I’ll pick you up at the house, like a first date. What do you think?”
  1. “What is the one place in the world you’d like to visit and enjoy?”
  1. “You’ve seen me day in, day out over (insert your time frame here) years now, is there one outfit that stands out over all my outfits that is your favorite?”
  1. “Pretend Hollywood is casting to make a movie about an amazing loving couple, how would you sell them that we are that couple?”
  1. “What is the most memorable experience growing up that you feel makes you who you are today?”
  1. “So if you could be God for the day, what would you change in this world to make it a better place?”
  1. “If you found a magical genie in the bottle that gave you three wishes, what would they be?”
  1. “You’ve just hit the lottery and won a million dollars, how would you spend it?”
  1. “If a publisher came to you and asked you to write a book, what would you write about?”
  1. “If NASA asked you to be on the next lunar landing, would you do it?”
  1. “What is the ultimate romantic scenario for you?”
  1. “You’ve just won a a million-dollar dream home of your own choice and design, what would it look like inside?”
  1. “If you were gifted with the ability to paint a masterpiece, what would it look like?”
  1. “I can guarantee you we will have a great time tonight, what can you guarantee me about tonight?”
  1. “What is your all time favorite song and why?”
  1. “What is your all time favorite movie and why?”
  1. “If you had the choice of being an animal, what animal would you choose?”
  1. “If the doctor said you need to increase your sexual activity with me, how would you approach that?”
  1. “When we are sexually intimate, what is the one thing that makes your toes curl?”
  1. “What is your perfect date night with me?”

Now some of these questions you may have used before, or might even already know the answers, and if that’s the case, use them as starting points to create your own questions. For example, “Honey, I know you’ve said if you were an animal you’d love being a cat, right? (close-ended) So what type of cat and why? (open-ended).”

The key is to get dialogue going. A conversation between a couple, especially over dinner, is healthy to any relationship as it provides reassurance to your partner that you are still interested in them, plus it allows that interest to reciprocate. Go for it, ask a question, either one of your own, or one from the list above! Keep that romance going!

With that I close and remind you, if you really want to improve your relationships, romance, sex and more, grab a copy of Taming The Trouser Snake….it’s a worthwhile investment that will keep your relationship partner happy. A happy partner is a happy couple. And as always, let’s not forget the patriotic servicemen and women that proudly protect our freedoms, including that of having a romantic dinner. God Bless them, their families, and friends, Rolando.

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