From The Book, Taming The Trouser Snake
If you’ve been practicing the skills of communication, chivalry, intimacy, romance and other points we’ve discussed so far in this book as part of a growing relationship, you are almost certainly going to experience what many people view as the most intimate act in any relationship, that of sex and/or making love.
The phrases “having sex” and “making love” are often used interchangeably, but there is a big difference. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once famously said that he couldn’t define pornography, “but I know it when I see it.” Similarly, it can be difficult to define at what point the physical act of having sex crosses over to the intimate physical and emotional cocktail that is making love. Nevertheless, I can promise you that the first time you truly make love with someone, you will understand the difference for the rest of your life. You may not know exactly how to define “making love” (although I am going to give it a try in this chapter) but you will know it when you feel it.
In simple terms, having sex with a stranger is easy, but making love with a stranger is impossible. The difference? Emotional intimacy. Since the whole purpose of this book is to help you learn how to build a more intimate relationship with your lady, you could say it is also a guide to being able to truly make love to a woman.
Note that I have not given you any advice on how to convince a lady to have sex with you. I will not give any such advice in this chapter, either. Remember, too, that the advice in this book is intended to make you more attractive as a man to all ladies — waitresses, sales girls, colleagues, friends, lovers, spouses — not just to women who are potential sex partners.
There are many views in modern society on why, with whom and how often you should have sex. A discussion of that is way beyond the scope of this book, so I will simply encourage you to develop your own moral code in this area and then be true to your beliefs. For the purposes of this book, we will assume you have decided to have sexual relations with another consenting adult in the context of what you both believe is an appropriate relationship, whether that means a one-night stand, marriage, or anything in between.
It is also important to realize that, even in the context of a committed, monogamous marriage, a man and a woman will sometimes have sex and sometimes make love. Understanding the difference will make you better at both.
Let’s start with a definition of sex. At its simplest and most clinical, sex is an act between a male and a female designed to bring the male’s sperm in contact with the female’s egg(s) to produce offspring. If you have ever observed animals having sex, it is often little more than that. It is over in seconds and both parties go their separate ways. For many species, there is no contact at all. The male releases sperm and the female releases eggs into the water or on to a convenient leaf or rock.
While some would make sex between humans just as clinical, research has shown that it has extremely complicated physical and mental effects. Sex in humans is not just an act of procreation, but also an act of pleasure. When men or women achieve an orgasm, the body releases endorphins and oxytocin that produce a feeling of pleasure. In other words, sex gives us a natural high, temporarily relieving stress and makes it easier for us to sleep.
Many addictive drugs stimulate or imitate the release of the same chemicals our bodies naturally produce during sex, so there is a very real basis for the idea of someone being a sex addict. Our minds react to the effects of sex both consciously and subconsciously, much as they do to an addictive drug.
Scientists are learning more about the science of sex every day. It is a fascinating subject and I encourage you to learn more about it. I am not a medical professional and cannot give medical advice, but talk to your doctor about what benefits regular sexual activity can bring to you. Let me give a few examples of what researchers have discovered with the caveat that all of this research is continuing.
Studies at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania have shown that sex increases the levels of the antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA). According to these researchers, higher levels of this antibody can help combat diseases and keep the body safe from colds and flu.
Research at the Headache Clinic at Southern Illinois University has found that half of female migraine sufferers reported relief after having an orgasm. It was noted during these studies that the endorphins that are released during an orgasm closely resemble morphine, and they effectively relieve pain. Other studies, like the one by the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, concluded that people who had sex four or more times per week appeared seven to 12 years younger than their actual age.
Sex releases hormones like testosterone and estrogen, the male and female hormones that help keep the body “young and vital.” We covered the importance of testosterone in men and how it naturally reduces as men age. Is sex a simple method to help raise testosterone levels? Is that why men who have frequent sex appear younger? Ask your medical professional what these studies may mean for you.
Have you noticed how the advertisements for drugs to treat Erectile Dysfunction all tell you to consult your physician to make sure you are healthy enough for sexual activity before using these drugs? There is a very good reason for that: sex is a great form of cardiovascular exercise. If you are healthy enough to have sex (see your doctor!), it can burn calories, give you a great cardio workout and increase levels of good hormones. Sex is not only fun, but, if these research results are correct, it can help you stay in shape, lose weight and feel better. This is true for both men and women.
Now that’s the end of part one of Sex and Making Love from the book, Taming The Trouser Snake: A Man’s Guide to Relationships, Romance, Sex, and More. Written for women to enjoy and recommend, this book is targeted at men that care and want to win, or keep a woman’s heart for the right reasons — as friends, colleagues, mutual lovers or even as a potential spouse.
Now head over to Sex and Making Love, Part Two, which covers topics like sexual positions, orgasms, foreplay, listening, observing, and more. Please share this topic and let people know about the new book so we can bring you more. Currently you can order the e-book from Amazon.com with the link above, and soon the paperback and audiobook too! Thanks, and as always, please don’t forget the men and women in uniform who serve proudly to protect our freedoms; God Bless them, their family and friends, Rolando.