From The Book, Taming The Trouser Snake
Return to Part One, Sex and Making Love
Depending on the sexual positions you and your lady practice, sex will develop your muscular system too. This includes your abdominal area, the buttocks, thighs, legs and arms. While sex will not replace a complete workout at the gym guided by a personal trainer, it will give you a fairly decent workout, especially if your performance levels are more energetic than most. As with any good cardio and strength training exercise, the more you practice sex the more you will see its benefits, including an increase in your endurance.
So there is no doubt that sex has physical benefits for healthy people. Just as importantly — maybe more so — sex benefits your mind and emotional well being, also, hence our subconscious need for sex. I’ve heard many women say that men only think about sex, and there are some studies that suggest men do think about sex far more often than women. Perhaps that’s because our subconscious minds recognize the needs of our bodies to benefit from the results of the act itself. While that’s only a theory, backed by some university and hospital medical studies, the act of sex is only a part of making love.
Perhaps the things that most distinguishes “having sex” from “making love” is this: you have sex primarily to achieve a physical orgasm; you make love to achieve both physical and emotional satisfaction for your partner. Making love isn’t about pleasing yourself, but about pleasing your partner, the lady in your life. Making love requires an emotional bond with your lady — not just a physical one. Having sex produces all kinds of chemical and physical changes in our bodies; making love provides all the same physical changes plus an emotional bond and euphoria that is the most sacred and fulfilling thing in intimacy.
One of the best things you can do to become skilled at focusing on and fulfilling your lady’s needs while making love is to learn more about how her mind and body work. Men are pretty simple creatures. A woman can learn what to do with a penis pretty quickly and they are generally much more attuned to our emotions than we are to theirs. Men, frankly, are often clueless when it comes to what truly pleasures a woman. We think of her clitoris as sort of a tiny penis and attack it like we want our penis attacked. Bad idea.
A complete discussion of a woman’s anatomy is way beyond the scope of this book. The research into how women’s bodies react to sexual and emotional stimulation is fascinating and new things are being learned all the time. I strongly suggest you study at least one book on this subject, such as “She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman” by Ian Kerner, Ph.D. While I am not qualified to give in depth medical advice, Dr. Kerner is.
I am, however, very qualified to share some things I have learned over the years. I have learned the hard way and am trying to save you from repeating my mistakes. The first thing to remember is: slow down. Take your time. Foreplay for a man is just getting naked. Foreplay for a woman can begin the day before. Remember our discussion of all the little things you can do to show a woman you care? Sending flowers, cards or other small gifts can simply show friendship, but they can also become a prelude to sex or making love. The words that accompany these small gestures can speak volumes. They can simply say, thank you or sound much more intimate.
This is something about your lady that is very important to understand — how does she think or feel about sex? Do you communicate well with her? Is she receptive to sex or making love? These are things you must ask yourself but hopefully already know the answers.
If you and your lady frequently enjoy hot, steamy sex together and she likes it when you “talk dirty to her,” you can send a note that says “Tonight I am going to screw your brains out,” or “Tonight I am going to give you the biggest, loudest orgasm you have ever had,” or “I am looking forward to caressing you in a warm bath and getting as close to you as two people can ever be.”
Use your imagination, but know your lady, know what message you want to send, know what kind of language is appropriate for your lady and for your plans for that next encounter. Getting her thinking about what you are going to do in advance and telling her about it is a very effective form of foreplay; just make sure you are telling her what you are going to do for her.
Once you are together, still remember to take your time. Bath or shower together. Give her a massage — and learn how to do so with your, specific lady in mind. Do not just rub her breasts and genitals and think you have given her a massage. That’s for you, not her. You will get to those areas eventually, but there is no rush.
Every woman is different. I have known some that love to have their backs rubbed — some softly, some vigorously. For others, it’s their neck or their arms or their thighs. The back of the knee is a spot that is sensitive to many ladies.
How do you know what your lady will respond to? Explore — slowly. Listen and observe. See how her body responds — or doesn’t. Every little quiver, touch of moisture, each breath she makes, the sound of her breathing, her little knee-jerk reactions, are your clues or road map to what she enjoys the most. She may say out loud “I love that” or “Don’t stop,” but most often you have to look and listen for more subtle signs.
Some women respond very well to just being asked what they like. Some are less comfortable talking about it. In either case, your approach to your lady is that of a gentleman, not a Trouser Snake Teenager. Use the communication skills I talked about earlier in this book. Listen to what she says.
As you explore her body, looking for the places she likes to be touched and the way she likes to be touched there, you will eventually find your way to the areas a less accomplished lover would jump to first. Learn to rub, kiss and caress her nipples, breasts, buttocks and genitals in the ways she likes and only after you have warmed her up in other ways and in other areas.
Now that’s the end of part two of Sex and Making Love from the book, Taming The Trouser Snake: A Man’s Guide to Relationships, Romance, Sex, and More. Written for women to enjoy and recommend, this book is targeted at men that care and want to win, or keep a woman’s heart for the right reasons — as friends, colleagues, mutual lovers or even as a potential spouse.
So let’s go onward with the final part which covers topics like becoming a better lover, how to mix it up, focus on her needs, self-esteem, intimacy, and more. Please share this three-part series with other people plus the new book so we can bring you more. Currently you can order the e-book from Amazon.com with the link above, and soon the paperback and audiobook too! Thanks, and as always, please don’t forget the men and women in uniform who serve proudly to protect our freedoms; God Bless them, their family and friends, Rolando.