From The Book, Taming The Trouser Snake
The first thing to learn about being a better lover for your lady is “go slow,” the second is “be gentle.” In general, woman do not like their genitals handled nearly as vigorously as a man does. There are exceptions. Some women love it fast and rough, but you should never assume that. If you start too fast and rough she will be turned off and it will be very hard — often impossible — to get her restarted. Start slow and soft, listen to her reaction and adjust. It is not uncommon for a woman to want to start slow and soft, but, as her orgasm approaches, she wants everything to be done more and more vigorously.
Learn how to vary your game plan. A football team does not come out and start the game with the same plays every week. You shouldn’t start the art of love with the same moves every time, either. You can start at the ears or the toes or somewhere in between. You can start in the shower, in the hot tub, on the bed or on the kitchen table. Mix it up. Be unpredictable. Know what works, but change the order and always keep listening to the sounds she makes and observing her reactions. What drove her crazy last time might not work at all this time and vice-versa.
Having sex with a woman is easy. Making love to her is hard in the sense that women are complicated creatures with complicated minds and bodies that do not always respond the same and yet must be satisfied each time. Embrace the challenge. Learn her body and mind better than you know your own.
And when you are done — when you are both exhausted and satisfied physically and experiencing the emotional high that can only come from truly making love — hold her. Don’t roll over and fall asleep. You don’t have to say much, but stroke her gently in affectionate, but non-sexual ways. Kiss her neck. Let her know that you are still there with her and it is the only place you want to be.
When you have truly made love to a woman, you will both understand that no words can describe it. It’s a sacred time between the two of you. You will experience unique feelings no other two people can repeat.
Making love is a combination of many things, including the act of having sex. It’s about her, for her. It’s taking all that we have been discussing — romance, being a gentleman, chivalry, intimacy, passion, sex, etc. — and channeling them to arrive at that amazing moment of complete physical and emotional satisfaction. That is true love, and true love results in making love.
Does that mean a couple that is married or in a deeply committed, long-term relationship always makes love and never just has sex? Not at all! You can be married for 20 years and still find yourself overwhelmed by the same raw horniness you had when you were a teenager. You and your lady will just jump in the sack and screw like rabbits, as the saying goes. But it will be better — much better — than the sex you had before you developed a relationship in which you can truly make love. You will know how to please each other better and you will get more satisfaction in satisfying your lover on a less emotional, but still very important, level.
You might say, “Hey! Why do I have to focus on her needs? Shouldn’t she be focused on mine?” Believe me when I say this: if you practice taking care of her needs, your needs will be met equally. It’s not about your orgasm or even if you have an orgasm. It’s about her climax, her orgasm. Never be selfish when making love; if you are, then you’re not making love, you’re just having sex. The real gentleman doesn’t need to satisfy himself, he only recognizes her need of satisfaction and he focuses on providing his lady that satisfaction before ever having a thought about satisfying himself. If you take care of her first, your needs will be taken care of too.
Both having sex and making love can raise our self-esteem. Done well, it strengthens a relationship. Done poorly or not at all, and it can weaken or destroy a relationship. Things can happen in a relationship that makes sex physically or mentally impossible for one or both partners. If the relationship has matured and becomes strong enough, it might survive without sex, but it is unlikely and difficult. Here again, if both partners have learned to focus on the needs of the other, there can still be a deeply intimate sexual relationship even if one partner is unable to achieve an orgasm.
But, let’s face it sex will be an important part of almost all deeply committed relationships. Don’t believe me? Then ask any divorce attorney what the main reasons are for divorce. Most will say they are sex, money and intimacy, individually or in some combination. When couples have financial problems, that stress alone puts pressure on their sex life. If there is no intimacy, sex suffers too. These factors can work together to build or to destroy a relationship.
Even if you are still young, buff and handsome, having sex with someone for the first time is always a bit of a gamble. Few of us are totally satisfied with how we look naked. Remember that even centerfold models don’t look like centerfold models without makeup, hair styling, proper lighting and some retouching. Whatever physical shortcomings you may have, learning how to be an excellent lover will make up for them. It’s ultimately about understanding each other’s sexual needs and how to satisfy them.
You can be intimate with a woman on many levels and they do not all require having sex or making love. However, if you want to build a long-term, deep relationship with your wife or otherwise committed partner, sex will be an important building block in that relationship. If you and your lady are sexually compatible and can sexually satisfy each other, making love will come naturally as the relationship evolves.
Once it does, you will understand all I have written about how amazing the act of making love truly is.
Now that’s the end of part three of Sex and Making Love from the book, Taming The Trouser Snake: A Man’s Guide to Relationships, Romance, Sex, and More. Written for women to enjoy and recommend, this book is targeted at men that care and want to win, or keep a woman’s heart for the right reasons — as friends, colleagues, mutual lovers or even as a potential spouse.
We hope you enjoyed this three-part series and ask you to please share this topic and let people know about the new book so we can bring you more. Currently you can order the e-book from Amazon.com with the link above, and soon the paperback and audiobook too! Thanks, and as always, please don’t forget the men and women in uniform who serve proudly to protect our freedoms; God Bless them, their family and friends, Rolando.