Smartphones Don’t Always Capture Smart Moments

Owl Selfie, Take Photos

I don’t give a hoot what people think of my selfie.

We live in a world were practically every communication device has a built-in camera, yet besides the “selfie” phenomena, many people often have no preconceived idea of what they’d like to capture with their built-in cameras. Notice, I said, “people” not “professional photographers,” because great photographers pre-visualize what they want to capture with their cameras.

I created this “Top Ten Reasons to Take Photos to Look Dumb” list to provide comical and sometimes true reasons why people often grab smartphones on a whim to take dumb photos. Ironically smartphones don’t take dumb photos, people do, so here are the top ten reasons why they take those photos.

Number 10: You got to take photos with a duck face to get reassurances from your world that someone out there will find you attractive; you need that attention for your self-esteem. Smart doctors never do this for fear they might look like a quack.

Number 9: You got to take photos because you want to piss off an old ex; you just have to rub it into their face, as you are a spiteful person. You want to appear as a person of little or no character and smaller to them, especially since you were once told you were overweight.

Number 8: You got to take photos so people will know you can get drunk too, besides, you have a need to show the world what it’s like to act stupid at your favorite hotspot. You just think it’s cool and it’s easier than to drunk text.

Take Photos of Elephant Trunk

Look at my trunk, huge isn’t it?

Number 7: You got to take photos because you want to show off your cleavage, after all, your sugar daddy invested in your breast augmentation and wants to see some sort of return on their investment, otherwise known as SDROI (sugar daddy return on investment).

Number 6: You got to take photos because you feel it’s cool to send someone a photo of your penis and hope you’ll “get some.” Problem is, you suffer from the “little man” syndrome and you know the proper camera angle can make things appear larger than they really are in life.

Number 5: You got to take photos because you shop at Wal-Mart and hope you can capture the stereotyped “Wally-Mart” person you’ve seen circulating on social media—for some strange reason you feel you’ll get that “viral” photo because you’ve never heard of, “It’s been done, don’t reinvent the wheel.”

Take Photos, Duck Face

I don’t duck face.

Number 4: You got to take photos of your fake mustache to show da boys you are a tomboy or not a girly girl, besides you want the world to see what you once bleached out. Oh, plus everyone else is doing it and cliché is not considered proper English as it’s French to you.

Number 3: You got to take photos because you discovered FaceTune, Beauty Plus, More Beaute, and all those other beauty apps that make your face look flawless so you want to show the world your new, “Look, no make-up” selfie. You also can’t afford Botox and fillers plus you’re hoping to land a sugar daddy.

Number 2: You got to take photos because you are planning on committing a crime and you wanted to capture it to show all your drinking buddies plus you religiously believe that having your soul captured by a smartphone means you’ll never be captured by the police.

take Photos zebra stripes

I’m not a criminal, I earned my stripes.

Number 1: You got to take photos to make people think you are a professional photographer, especially with all these cool iPhone apps that make your snapshots look like fine art photos.

No, you won’t find the “Top Ten Reasons to Take Photos to Look Dumb” list in my new book, Taming The Trouser Snake, but the book will help you from looking dumb, smartphone or not. Sometimes people don’t need signs (“Here’s Your Sign”) to look dumb, they just need smartphones. The irony, smart phones don’t always capture smart moments.

With that I close and as always remind people to please not forget the men and women who serve patriotically to defend our nation, thus provide us the freedom to take a photo, even not so smart photos; God Bless them, their families and friends, Rolando Gomez.

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